My day
Today was a needed day off from clinicals. We went to go see men in black 3 which was really really good, i’ve been pleasantly surprised by how good the movies we’ve been watching are… Then we tried shopping but it was weird everywhere, and hot..oh god so hot that i actually wore a sleeveless top..i have never gone out in public with a sleeveless top before, no joke, it was kind of awkward and embarrassing because i absolutely hate my yucky yucky arms, but he never fails to make me feel better about myself, always kissing my shoulders..he was so cute today and smelled so good. Then he took me out to joes crabshack which..i love it there but rarely do we eat there because of how packed it can get, but food was so good!!!! And that was basically out only meal for the day which I don’t mind. We then went to go find him shorts because he never wears jean shorts and i sweat everytime i see him in those long jeans on a hot day..uy, but eh didnt find anything cute. We then saw his cousin friend girl whatever she was thing at the store and seeing her made me appreciate my relationship with christian, :). Hes cute and sexy and we’re on the phone and its turning me on. Goodnight!
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Why do i have inconsiderate friends. -.-. Never again, never again.
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Before typing this I had a bunch of things I wanted to say, but now that I’m actually doing it now, i’m in sort of a brain fart. I guess I’ll just be going with the flow. I haven’t blogged in a while, a long while.. I guess it’s because of how busy life has been with clinicals and school. I feel a little empty at the moment. Like, what am I good for? What am I good at? If I were to die right now, what would people say about me? That I’m nice? Quiet? “Puts people first”. Nothing new out of the whole cliche of lines. I’m starting to think that I give myself way to much credit than I should. That I see myself a whole lot differently than what other people see me as; like what my boyfriend thinks, or what my family thinks. It’s a little upsetting that often I hear my boyfriend kind of categorize me in a more negative aspect than positive. I guess because it’s always so easy to point out the bad in someone than the good. He calls me pretty and this and that all the time, it’s really flattering and don’t get me wrong it makes my day, but whats the real reason you like me? And not because i’m nice, or i care for him a lot. What is it that I do, that stands out from anybody else? I was just told I don’t adapt, frequently commented on my driving, my habits, my house, my organization skills, my mood, my indecisive behavior, never sticking to one thing…what am I good at? I don’t cook, I don’t clean, I don’t sing/dance/draw/write. I feel like my life is pretty useless. I’m not depressed, or “emo”, I’m actually fine, I’m blessed to be where I am… but I feel like I don’t belong, or I don’t serve a purpose. I don’t expect a lovey dovey letter, with words that rhyme or sound artistic, I’m over that. I want the real deal. I just want to know how he feels, straight up. I want some real emotions.. because I feel like everything is just so superficial. I don’t want to fight, but I miss it. Fighting was where the real emotions come out, and I guess thats what I’m looking for, the real emotions. This is just flight of ideas, i’m talking about one thing and going to another there is no real structure to this post to be honest. Anyway, yes… I think I don’t do anything right, that people just deal with me because it’s fun to fuck around with my emotions, or I they use me for things, who knows. I don’t have anything going for me to be honest, I don’t have any uniqueness to me at all. I feel more plane than jane at this point. Sigh. i made a joke, ba dum doosh. I never get thank you’s for anything, for driving my boyfriends brother to games, or bringing my brother’s friends home, or doing a little extra around the house.. I think people are just used to me, and just expect things from me. Honestly, I’m a little tired. I kind of sometimes want to be alone, I don’t know whats with me lately,.. I haven’t been feeling happy, and I can so easily blame the pills but I doubt its because of that.I expect too much from people like how people expect so much from me. I just want to be appreciated, and I always say that but it’s one of the hardest things I ever have to ask for/work for. I’m tired, I don’t know.. i’m going to bed, good night.
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